I’ve never been much of a fake tanner. Mainly because my Fake Tanning ‘Skills’ erm… lack skills?
I am unsure how or why I am so awful at the application process, but believe me – I am. Everyone complains about how you look scaley once the fake tan wears off after a few days – but me? I am scaley from the get go. Like I said, I have no skills.
If you have me on snap chat you would have even witnessed that time, I had been out shopping and it took me a good 3 hours to realise I had in fact forgot to tan one of my feet. I had been sporting one white bare foot whilst in flip-flops for the world to see and I didn’t even notice. I guess I lack common sense as well as skills.
When it came to the Fake Tan saga, I felt as though I had tried everything and never succeeded. Luckily for me it’s very rarely sunny here in the UK so I got away with hiding my pasty white skin, behind baggy knits and oversized jackets (ah, I do really miss winter) but with the Sun coming out quick and fast lately, it is becoming apparent I cannot hide my see through body no more. Wearing roll necks to the beach isn’t the best of looks is it?
The thing is when it come’s to tanning I am limited on options. Sun beds just aint for me. I either leave with 3rd degree burns (do you know how many times I have smothered myself in enough Sudocrem because of this, to the extent that I looked like a tube of Sudocrem. I actually even had to attend the doctors before for lotion that’s how burnt I was) or I lay there having a major anxiety attack because I cannot get the scene from Final Destination out of my head, you know when she gets trapped and burns to frickin death (I feel like that would be a way I would die, something dramatic)
And when it comes to getting out doors and catching the rays the natural way, I unfortunately work in an office that does not even home a window 5 days of the week, so that blows that one out massively.
My only option to give myself some colour is to revert back to fake tan. Now I am no quitter so I decided I was gon’ give it another go.
I was browsing the Fake Tan section in Superdrug for what felt like an eternity. I am pretty sure the staff was becoming suspicious of me (or sorry for me) as I stand there completely clueless to what I am buying. I feel like I for once I understood how a guy probably feels purchasing sanitary products for his Mrs. WHY SO MANY OPTIONS. I eliminated the ones I had tried prior – I wasn’t left with much choice to be honest. I then noticed one called Bondi Sands, and I will be totally honest here – the only reason I decided on this one was purely for that fact that I have travelled Australia and frequently visited Bondi Beach. So I felt like because of that we had a connection. Lol.
I opted for ‘Dark’ even though ‘Ultra Dark’ was eyeing me up. But I thought if this fails which, with my track record is highly likely than ultra dark isn’t going to be doing me any extra favours is it.
As soon as I got home, I wasted zero time. I got stark naked, ready to take on the challenge. I even bought a new fake tan mitt. (Taking the task seriously and all that jazz) I got my awkward body into the chicken position, you know one leg bent, with your head basically going under your vagina so you can get the inside of your thigh and buttocks area. So classy.
You know that saying ‘life is full of surprises’ turns out this bottle of fake tan was full of surprises because I had NO STREAKS. NOT ONE. It just glided on, and to top it off I didn’t smell like a packet of Digestive Biscuits. I was that amazed, I was shouting my mum up from downstairs to immediately come and check out my naked body because it was pure perfection (the tan, not the body)
I usually sleep in it over night, allow it to develop and wash off. However, this time I decided to wash it off after a few hours to see the results. Much to my happiness I was BROWN after the shower. It hadn’t all washed away down the drain hole. Amen. I had gone from Casper’s sister to Alladin’s relative in an effortless few hours.
Now as much as I would love to brag that my skills have obviously magically improved, I doubt that is the case. This fake tan just does not seem to have the ability to allow you to go patchy. It smells nice and is perfect when you need to tan and go on the quick!
I actually ENJOY tanning now! I can have sun-kissed skin hassle free. I feel like I can now finally embrace summer and get my sacred body out for all to see.
If you are a newbie to fake tanning, or are wanting to try something new or hey have shocking skills like me (it’s ok, join the crew) then I highly recommend giving this bottle of sun-kissed tan a go!
Here’s a pic with the end result, because lets face it – pic or it didn’t happen….. P.S – Need a good tan remover? BABY OIL ￼