Have you ever been through a really shit time in life and thought to yourself “is this ever going to get better?” or “how am I going to get through this?” – “will I ever feel happy again?”
Yeah I can relate, I’ve been there, worn the t-shirt & no doubt I will probably face that feeling some point in my life again.
Maybe you are someone going through that feeling right now, well I want to let you into my story, in the hope that I can 1. Make you feel less alone and 2. Give you a bit of hope & positivity that things do in fact get better. A lot better.
2015 wasn’t a great year for me. It was the shit of shit. I was severely unhappy and stuck in a rut. I didn’t feel like I was living I just felt like I was plodding through. To make matters worse not long into 2015, me and my long-term boyfriend broke up. Now I would love to say I was really strong and dealt with the break up well, but that would be bullshit. I struggled. Majorly. My whole routine had changed, and the person I spent nearly every day with for 8 years, I suddenly didn’t speak to anymore. I put everything I had into that relationship that in the end I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was completely lost and I felt bluntly like SHIT. I was a shadow of myself with no meaning or purpose.
I tried to just get on with life, and I started doing different things, building myself back up, creating my own new routine, and yes to a degree I slowly felt myself becoming happier then the day before, but something in me still wasn’t content. I knew I was just masking over my feelings and not really facing them. Because deep down I wasn’t happy, I just thought I was.
I remember being at lunch with my sister during this shit period and she was like “You should just go travelling, go to Australia” – I gave it the old “yeah I would like to but you know, I can’t afford it, I have commitments” (you know all the excuses) now I always mentioned I would love to go travelling, but when it came to doing it, yeah it never happened. And I think part of being didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to fully walk away from my relationship, in the hope we may get back together.
After that lunch the thought was in my head but I kept putting it off. Literally a few days later, I had a reading done which was spot on to say the least, and the lady right at the end said to me, “I’m being shown you should go to Australia” – now coincidence or what, to me – it stuck out. Usually I would just dismiss it and give the excuses. But in that moment I couldn’t anymore. I had this urge inside of me, of you know what – I WANT to take a risk.
I left that reading ready to take responsibility for my life. I didn’t want to feel shit anymore. I wanted a change, so I was going to give myself one.
I went home to my mum & step dad and sat at the kitchen table and told them I think I should just go. And then and there at 9pm at night, they had booked me a one way flight for 6 months later.
From that moment, I didn’t allow myself to have excuses anymore. I had the flight booked and I was going to make shit happen.
I worked a normal 9-5 job which wasn’t fantastic money, I had a £7k loan, a car newly on finance etc. So the thought of saving enough to go, and to cover my bills was shit scary and I thought impossible, but I told my self I have 6 months to make this happen. And I will. I was SO focused. I wanted to make it happen so bad, because I knew I had to do this for me!
I was doing my mobile hairdressing after my 9-5 job and on the weekends. I wanted and needed bookings so bad, and out of no where I was getting booked left right and centre. My diary was filling up, literally like never before. Yeah, I was exhausted but I was working towards something I really wanted and needed, for ME.
A couple of months down the line, I made my last ever payment on my 7k loan! How I even made that money within a few months I still to this day can not work out. I was meant to still have it for 4 years!
My little sisters dad then offered to take over my car finance for my sister.
My savings kept going up and I by the time I was nearly ready to go I had twice as much as I ever thought I would have to take.
EVERY SINGLE THING I needed to sort out, everything I was stressing over, fell perfectly into place. And that’s when I KNEW I was supposed to be doing what I was doing. The moment I followed my truth, and put myself first everything sorted itself out. Perfectly in line.
From that moment that’s when my strength started to kick in. That’s when I looked in the mirror and thought you know what, you can do anything you put your mind too. And I was determined to make the remaining of 2015 amazing. Above all, I was determined to make myself happy and be done with the shit.
When November 14th come round & I was on my way to get on that flight, of course I was shitting myself. I didn’t know what I was doing, what was next, I was sad leaving my family & friends, scared that I was walking away from the possibility of me and my ex ever getting back together. A thousand worries was running through my mind. But above all of that, I could not wait to embark on a journey in my life to make myself happy.
I stayed in Australia for near about 4 months. I got offered sponsorship twice, but didn’t feel in my gut it was right for me but, I had THE most incredible time of my life, I met the best of people, and I learnt SO much about myself. I got to know me again, and most of all I was HAPPY.
There in Australia is where I discovered my inner blogger and created SugarCoatedNothings, which has been my number 1 passion ever since.
I came home a different person to who I was when I left. A better version of myself. And although life is life and routines take place again, and I often feel myself slipping here and there into my old self – the memory of me doing something for me, pulls me out of that rut.
The moral of the story is this;
You might be going through a REAL shit time right now. But those shit times will lead to good times which will lead to great times. You do not have to buy a plane ticket, or travel the world but what you do need to do is take ownership over your life and realise you hold the power to change any situation you do not like. Yes, we cannot control other people, or things that happen to us, but we can control our own choices & decisions and how we let situations affect us.
I never thought I would understand why I was going through such a tough time, or why I found life so hard but now I look back and I am SO thankful the shit of 2015 happened. I am glad I faced the low of low – because without that, I would not have had 4 months of life changing experiences, I would not have met so many important people who are now close in my life and most of all I would not have found my passion.
Through the hard shit, I learnt to trust myself. To have my own back, to be my own best friend and to follow my heart.
Bad times don’t last forever. Things do get better. They often bring us amazing things. Whenever I feel shit again, I look back and remember I am in control and this is just apart of the journey to what’s next.
So to whoever you are reading this, no matter what shit you are facing right now or how low you might feel. Please believe that things do and will get better. You might not see it now, but soon enough you will look back and realise the situation you was in contributed to where you have ended up – to where you are heading. Without the shit, how we would we appreciate the good?
Trust yourself. Take risks. Follow your heart. No matter how little or big the change is – DO IT. Because once you follow your truth – everything will fall perfectly into line. That I promise.
I had a choice to let my shit situation tear me down or lift me up and inspire me to do better. I chose the later. And you can too.
P.s, Me and my ex ending up crossing paths again and getting back together, since then we have been better than ever.
That saying “what’s meant to be, will always find a way” ……..it’s true.