You loved him through every emotional part of the rollercoaster he bought into your life, to the point you lost yourself and no longer recognised who you was anymore.
They say, we accept the love we think we deserve – well you must have lost your self respect because you deserve more then he ever gave you, which probably was not much.
If you kept going back, to him it meant his actions were acceptable. Which I guess is why he always kept you at arms length, pulling you back in when it suited. I suppose that was his way of making him feel better, but guess what? You cannot go around treating people like shit and expect people to still love you. You probably don’t even wish to hate him, but you cant pretend that his actions are justifiable anymore.
He made you think you was not good enough for him, but he is not good enough for you.
You wanted it to work so bad, that he became your life. Resulting in you becoming a shadow of yourself. Trying to make him happy came at the risk of your own happiness.
For a long time, even until now you have felt as if you owed him something, your friendship, or your time. But the only person you owed and owe anything to is yourself. You owe yourself the attention you gave to him for so long.
A lot of people always thank there ex’s, but you will not thank him for treating you the way he did. Instead you will thank yourself – for being brave enough to walk away, for giving yourself a second chance, for not giving up on yourself, for standing up and taking control again. If it wasn’t for YOU, you would not be where you are and where you will be, being the happy independent woman you have become and are becoming, the woman that he will not have the pleasure of knowing. As a woman it is empowering to stand alone. You will challenge yourself and become a better person.
When you start looking forward and stop letting his memory dictate your happiness, You will be smiling brighter, laughing louder, breathing easier and keeping it simple. He is one short chapter of your book and not your story.
You may always hold a spot for him in your heart, but that spot will no longer take over your life.
When looking back no longer interests you, you will know your doing something right. He may once have broke your heart but he did not and will not break your love – or you.