Hostels. The ‘home’ to backpackers from all over the world. Or shall I say, the home to me, for the past 3 months because I am STILL living in one which has completely stolen what sanity I had left. I was completely clueless to the hostel life but now I think I know it pretty damn’ well…
1. Forks are some what extinct. There is NEVER a spare fork to eat your dinner. EVER.
2. Pasta is no longer a quick meal. (Unless you consider 30 minutes for water to boil quick).
3. Mattresses need to be flipped over due to springs sticking in your ass.
4. You can NEVER shower without flip flops. Its mandatory too. Its for your own good.
5. It’s also mandatory to crouch over the toilet seat when going. Again, it’s for your own good.
6. The key cards like to stop working a couple of times a day and it most likely happens when your busting for a wee.
7. Pillows have more air in them then a packet of walkers crisps. I’m pretty sure my pillow is in fact just a pillow case.
8. The bed moves and squeaks in sync with your breathing.
9. The door handle to the room likes to break. A lot.
10. The lift either never comes or doesn’t work. And if it is working it will take its time getting you to your floor, its in no rush. (No really it isn’t).
11. Checking out your room at 10am and waiting until 2pm to check back in – to the same f*cking hostel because it seems impossible to stay in one room.
12. Other people’s snoring becomes a routine bedtime lullaby.
13. The smell of goon is everywhere.
14. Washing machines and dryers do about a good of job as what the Argos play ones would.
15. You ask and answer the same 3 questions. Where are you from? How long have you been here? Where have you been? – general start to any conversation.
16. FaceTime conversations happen outside your dorm door. (So now your fully aware, what Ella from Swindon had for breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as what she did that whole day.( In detail. In loud detail.)
17. Phone light torch has become essential. (Anyone in a hostel can relate.)
18. Sleep talkers. Everywhere.
19. Getting woken up at 9am by the house cleaners with there hoovers that are attached to there back, looking like something out of ghost busters. They also never turn the light back off. Ever.
20. Being audience to a real life porno – because your fellow roomy’ pulled.
21. Air con is either freezing, or Luke warm. (There is no in-between).
22. Windows are merely an accessory. Not to be opened. Because believe it or not they have no ability to actually open.
23. Bed sheets are used as curtains, to hang over your bunk. Your only bit of privacy…….
What can I say it really has been an experience, and as much as hostels can be positive by meeting new friends and creating new travel plans – I just feel hostel life has taken its toll on me and has left me somewhat emotionally unstable.
I have a new found appreciation for forks, showering without flip flops, and pillows. Plus some.
As much as I have enjoyed being stabbed in the ass with springs, being a witness to sex acts, and making a conscious effort of crouching before urinating – I think I am now ready to flea the hostel ness. I GOT TO BREAK FREEEE’ – and so the flat hunt begins.
It’s been emotional’